3 Ways Your Inner Commentator Is Preventing You From Being Happy
Here is how it happens for me. My commute into Boulder, CO with the
mountains as a backdrop starts as a peaceful experience. Then someone
decides to pass me, swerving into the oncoming traffic lane, only to get to
the stoplight at the same time.
What a freak, I think.
Why did they feel the
need to do that to me?
Then, I end up behind the slowest person in the
world. This person decides to brake every chance they get and I rant to
myself, why are they messing with me? What did I do?
Before my lunch date, I check my email and see I have several messages
from my manager. Your expense report was returned because you did not
enter your dates correctly, the first states. You are behind quota this month.
Let’s see what we can do to bring you up to our standards, the second
reads. My response is, why the hell is he picking on me! I work my ass off
and get no positive feedback. He just wants me to quit! At lunch, my friend
continues to tell me about her girls trip she is planning, the concert she went
to with with a mutual friend, and the party she had for her daughter last
month. I went into wounded mode wondering why she is leaving me out of
her things. We must not be that close, I think. I must have done something
to piss her off.
At home I am greeted by a crying daughter. She tells me her friendship with
her best friend is over. Why? I ask. She relays her friend isn’t replying to her
texts. I suggest her friend may be busy or had her phone taken away and
remind her not to take things personally.
A lightbulb switches on in my brain. Why was I making everything about me?
The guy didn’t swerve around me to piss me off, he passed a car. The slow
driver wasn’t holding me up intentionally. If I create my world with my
thoughts and perceptions I am creating a world based on drama and
This is a common trait. You can say we are wired to experience events from
a emotional perspective. From traffic drama to misinterpreting a text we
emotionally react based on patterns created in the subconscious. Scientific
studies have shown that there is an area of the brain that responds to
arousal, fear, anger, anxiety, hate and jealousy. This area is the amygdala.
The lovely part of the brain that highjacks our emotional perception. Part of
the amygdala’s job is to monitor stress responses such as the fight or flight
response. The other job is to monitor incoming information and look for a
In addition to this physical phenomenon is a nonphysical part of us that
drives behavior based on our subconscious and egoic mind. Welcome the
Inner Commentator. Think of it like a sports commentator. It is the voice
inside your head that is giving you a play by play commentary of your life
based on subconscious patterns and beliefs.
There are 3 ways the Inner Commentator keeps you from being happy.
1. The Inner Commentator will create lies. The Inner Commentator is
sneaky, devious and loves to lie to you.
Since it is based on emotional perception it doesn’t reveal reality. For
example, when someone gives you a strange look your Inner Commentator
may think, they don’t like me. In reality that person may be having a bad
day. If you feel this happening to you asked yourself, Is this true? If not, it is
your Inner Commentator telling you the story.
2. The Inner Commentator does not want peace it loves drama.
It does this because it feeds our addictive behaviors. Our Inner
Commentator, which is part of our ego, believes our identity lies in our
drama. It creates a soap opera feeding off the ups and downs of the
characters. It may be bored without the highs and lows. In reality your True
Self wants peace. If you hear your Inner Commentator creating a soap
opera out of your life ask yourself, do I want peace or drama?
3. The Inner Commentator loves to obsess!
Obsessing over anything is exhausting. You become a prisoner of your
thoughts. The Inner Commentator doesn’t want you to be free. The stories
start to have a life of their own and you start to believe the lies based on
perception of the Inner Commentator. To break free of the Inner
Commentator’s obsession be first be aware that is is your Inner
Commentator speaking, not you. Then go back to steps one and two and
ask yourself, Is this story true? and do I want peace or drama?
To have peace and happiness in your life it is important to identify the stories
your Inner Commentator is telling you. Know that you have the choice to
listen to it or not and make the positive changes you wish to make to create
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